out of the ________, into the _________

high pressure situation day! first i had dinner with my future, or what i hope is my future: killer indy producer and actual breathing living Member of the Academy christine vachon. (i keep thinking vachon means "pig" in french. subsequently i keep thinking this is wrong. i only just learned today that "liebstod," the only german endearment i know, means "love-death." anyway!)

christine vachon arrived in pajama pants, which looked like they once belonged to m.c. hammer, tucked into black combat boots. now THAT, my friends, is a new york filmmaker. her clothes said Fuck hollywood, as did her attitude, her lack of makeup, and, in fact, her oeuvre. damn that's hot. i wish i could be a successful creative non-sellout.

after dinner, during which i failed to make an impression on ms. christine -- to be fair, there were about 15 of us and patty's son stole the show -- i heard her speak, watched clips, and participated in a Q&A. that always means, for me, that i sat scribbling quotes into my notebook and looking intently at her JUST IN CASE she should happen to be tortured by the thought, "who IS that girl with the pigtails and the intense gaze?" and immediately sign me to my bright and glorious future.

there was no signing involved. there was nothing but me saying goodbye and thank you as i left, holding the leftover lasagne patty let me take home to feed my weeklong guest. now i'm going, braced, to the trans workshop where hopefully i will not accidentally say something offensive or expose ignorance any greater than everyone else's about the issues at hand.

christine vachon says she's fearless. i wish i could be fearless. i mean, for god's sake, christine vachon is only christine vachon and the cool kids are only the cool kids (hi cool kids!) and someday i'm really going to be somebody ... or something.