Sunday, October 23, 2005

the estrogen's finally caught up with me

Maybe it's all the tofu I eat -- I've been recently told the stuff is chock full of girly hormones. I've accomplished the following things this weekend:

1) bought a pair of somewhat pricey but exciting boots
2) curled up in bed ALONE and watched TWO (2) renee zellweger movies. neither of which was the fantastic and excusable Empire Records!

In the interest of full disclosure, I should mention I -- also cried. And not over the boots. I guess I should lay off the cuties. But god, between the girly hormones in soy and the mercury in fish, what am I supposed to eat? It can't be Smart Puffs all the time, can it? They're just not that filling.

I've also meant to blog all week about various hilarious news items. Did you hear about the millionaire Republican senator from New Hampshire who won $800,000 in the lottery, for instance? When asked whether he planned to donate any of his newfound, superfluous wealth to worthy causes, he replied with great sensitivity, "Are you kidding? I'm going to spend it." One can only assume he then went on to kick a small child in the face, laugh about the holocaust, and spit on a picture of New Orleans.

Also, the Panties in a Twist Council: Determining What's Appropriate To Watch On Television released their list of top ten best and worst shoes for family viewing. Except they were so disappointed by this year's offerings they could only find NINE shows to recommend. Can you believe that?
Personally I think the Panties in a Twist Council got it wrong on all counts. They listed the O.C. on the "bad" list because of superficial sex and violence, and in doing so they overlooked the moral center of the show: the Cohen family, which eats together, talks to each other, helps each other out with their legal and substance abuse problems. Surely they're as good an example of responsible family living as 7th-freaking-Heaven. I mean, why not? Just because they're Jews?

Speaking of Jews, what does the PTC have against those lovable, wacky Bluths? Let's see:
Arrested Development also employs some of the most outrageous double-entendres ever to find their way into prime-time. In one episode, for example, Tobias says he was an analyst and a therapist, making him the first "analrapist."
BWAHHH! Did you see that episode? That was fucking hilarious. Clearly, the PTC didn't get the joke.

I can only imagine what they'd make of Sarah Silverman. She has skyrocketed, hasn't she? I guess I wasn't the only one who thought she was the best part of the Aristocrats (in part because she TOLD the bloody joke and didn't just half-ass it or talk about it.) The New Yorker -- which I get now! I'm totally cool -- has a great profile of her that you can read online. My favorite line:
“I was raped by a doctor,” she says. “Which is so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.”


Jonah said...

Wait, tofu makes you girly? Like, in some actual scientific way, not just in a manly men eat meat way? What? Source?

I like Sarah Silverman but was disappointed to find out that she's dating Jimmy Kimmel.

Anonymous said...

She was also on the cover of Heeb magazine, the sex issue, in which she holds a sheet, hole included, up to her naked chest. the bold letters along side her clevage(which is peaking through the hole) read "holy sheet!"

I love yids


ester said...

jonah: here.

scroll down to the "health benefits" section. it talks about the estrogen. i was exaggerating only the TINIEST bit in claiming it makes one girly. there's no evidence of that. (except for the TWO RENEE ZELLWEGER movies i watched this weekend! what else could explain that?)

Benjamin said...

here's an excerpt from the heeb piece. the cover photo is better though. and by better, i mean hot.