well, now i feel evil and wicked and bad. or at least bad. cty got back to me at long last with what amount to a deferral: nothing solid yet, will continue to keep me in mind -- up through the beginning of the summer even. but i should definitely. seek. other. options. *sound of ester tearing out clumps of hair and bemoaning her lack of preparedness for this outcome*
*hair falls on floor. ester looks at it wretchedly*
... recalls that dis student-cum-hairdresser missed appointment this afternoon, leaving me wandering forlorn for 40 minutes outside an apartment complex. suspicious danes kept wrinkling their eyebrows at me, then pulling their curtains shut.
this memory does not help.

sheesh. what on earth can i do for july and august besides wear sandals, sit in hot tubs, attend folk concerts, read, watch seven movies a week, and visit friends in exciting places with exciting jobs (viz., philly and nyc)? --> and incidentally (paranoia borne of depression, perhaps, but:) am i getting dull? i feel like a blind circus performer. i can't gauge my audience. three entries w/o comments and i start to sweat.