Thursday, December 15, 2005

To Minnesota ...

Dear Minnesota,

How are you doing? Great, great. Listen, we seem to have gotten some of your weather by mistake. I know, crazy, right? What are the odds, considering we're like half a country away from you and on a completely different latitude. So, um, I'm sure you're enjoying the unusually temperate winter but if you wouldn't mind dropping off ours and letting us return yours we'd be super grateful. Especially because the transit workers might be going on strike at midnight tonight and some of the 7 million of us left without means of transportation will have to WALK OVER THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE AT DAWN IN THE SNOW in order to make it to work in Manhattan on time. And that's frikkin harsh, man. So harsh that we might have to take a flask with us, get loaded, beat the shit out of Ohio and say you did it.

Thanks! Love the cheese hats (or is that Wisconsin ...?)
New York City

PS - A certain new inhabitant of the city has misplaced her good luck. Maybe it went the way of the weather? Would you mind checking, and, if you find it, sending it back to her, posthaste, at [address redacted]? She'll be waiting for it expectantly while she searches the want ads and moans periodically to herself.



Nate said...

Flyover primer:

Wisconsin = Cheesehats
Minnesota = Garrison Keillor’s soothing baritone
North Dakota = woodchippers (1) and accomplice (1)
South Dakota = a whistling wind over the barren, craggy moonscape.

drew said...

Oh man, now that you attributed the cheese hats to them, Minnesota's really gonna amp up the weather now...

ester said...

what is with the cheese hats anyway? i never understood that.

shira said...

right so i know i said this before, but now i'll say it in a public forum (!) - if there's a transit strike on what, tuedsay now? you and ben are welcome to crash at our place.

that should not be read as my wanting minnesota to keep our weather.

Nate said...

Re: transit strike!

Now this is the kind of news I like to hear coming out of New York! Not because I don't sympathize because, really, I do. But eight million people walking around! On foot! As pedestrians! How exciting! We here in Highwaytown tip our collective John Deere hat.

Never say I don’t think of my NYC bloggers. (Stay off the cell phones, though. NSA and all that.)

Charrow said...

what about the bus? That is sooo sad. I wish i could come there and be your personal driver...although driving in Manhatten is like playing russian roulette with a fully loaded gun. i love you