Jaslene is America's Next Top Model! Say it with me now: "WHAT?" And then, "Ugh." She is dim and bony and looks like a man, which went over well in the competition, unsurprisingly. Also, Tyra <3 <3 <3'ed Jaslene-from-the-block's story arc (to recap: last season Jaslene wasn't good enough to make the cut, but she tried again and redeemed herself).
It's not like I was rooting for anyone, really. Who was there to root for? Spunky mail order bride Natasha Galkina, who was also dim but smart enough at least to borrow Angelina Jolie's mouth for the competition? Or Renee, the annoying, standard blonde from Hawaii?
Renee and Natasha were two of the three teenage mothers in competition, and though we at home could admire the way they managed to magically emerge from childbearing with no scars, fat, or breasts, it got boring hearing over and over again how they had to succeed for the sake of their children. Sure. Because the APA recommends that young mothers enter professions that keep their women starving, travelling, and riddled with alcohol, drugs, and syphilis. If they also train their women to throw cell phones at the help, so much the better.
I guess it was all right that I didn't get emotionally invested in this finale. The Gilmore Girls left me exhausted -- I had to inject Gatorade into my veins to rehydrate me after that much crying.
Sophie Turner Is Your New Tomb Raider
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The thing that bothered me the most, at the end of the day, was that Tyra went on and on and on about how this was the first cycle to have TWO plus-size competitors. But then, to have the tiniest girl win the damn thing? Not okay. Also not okay: the way they harassed Jaslene to play up her ethnic-ness, and always played the goofy Latin-y stuff as her background music.
I was rooting for Natasha. I think her "My Life as a Cover Girl" commercials would have been great.
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