Monday, June 23, 2003

three days into co|motion i feel much more confident than i did three days into it last year. the fact that i've done it before helps. last year i had no experience working with a group of kids at all. while i never panicked, i panicked that i might panic, and so on. i also remember, early on last year, finishing a day in tears, sure that none of the campers liked me and that i alone had no maternal instincts.

when the other counselors ooh and aah at length about one of our campers, who, at 11, still looks and acts 6, that same concern springs to mind: ohmygod, i'm missing the Everything She Does is Cute! Gene. but so far it hasn't been keeping me up at night.

very little, i feel, at this point could keep me up at night. by the time we go to sleep we've been up since 7:30. some of the girls show up as early as 8. camp starts at 9 and goes through 5. once we nudge them out, we spend an hour debriefing and occasionally obsessing over the campers, after which we spend the rest of the evening planning. we're lucky to have 2 hours of free time before we crash.
last night i used those 2 hours to devour the first 220 pages of hpV. i didn't have my own copy yet, it hadn't arrived, so i stole sorelle's. thanks-be-to-god (and it slid in today and i read in snatches until i was halfway through. i think it's gripping though, yes, as all accounts have mentioned, unrelentingly dark. it kind of reminds me of she's come undone in that way.

hpV is a sore spot among my fellow counselors, none of whom have succumbed to their impulses to start reading yet. a few of our campers/CITs have dragged their tomes with them and pore over them at every opportunity. having gotten enmeshed in mine myself, i kind of understand; i find it hard to put down. in fact maybe i'll return to reading now.

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