Friday, July 18, 2008

Near misses

1) The just-escaped-from-Jurassic-Park-sized spider on the bathroom faucet. Mr. Ben, kill it!

2) Spider #1's cousin, Spider #2, which was like Spider #1 only on HGH, on the living room curtain. Mr. Ben, kill it! I don't care if you're still in a towel. Are you crazy? This thing could eat me *and* my breakfast of Trader Joe's yogurt and Kellogg's 19s while you locate your pants. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease. Thank you.

3) The bird that shat two inches to the right of my lunch and three inches away from my lap, managing, miraculously, to hit nothing except table. Mr. Ben, kill it! Er, just kidding: vegetarian. Also, Mr. Ben is at work, and he probably doesn't have a bow and arrow.

Birfday tomorrow! In honor of which I have enjoyed much delicious food all week, including an Eat Like Ester sundae bar at my office this afternoon consisting of lo-sugar soy ice cream, fresh fruit, & granola. My coworker, Chipper McCheerful, consulted my mother, who suggested that he "put candles in a banana and pour sugar-free chocolate syrup over it!"

CMcC also contacted my brother who's studying for the bar and thus couldn't contribute. But he replied anyway: "I will not forget your kindness to my family, when I am emperor."

Marrying Mr. Ben apparently entitles me to birfday recognition from his family as well as mine. (This is Reason #32 to tie the knot. Reason #28 is the kitchen gadgets. Reason #12 is that you can leave the lights on when you do it because you no longer need to hide from God.) I walked home from the fancy-pants, totally yummy celebratory dinner last night with an huge potted orchid and a gift card to Anthropologie. Once birfday week is over, I am going to be waddling around town in some very high-end clothes. Look out, world!


herding tapeworms said...

Jurassic sized spiders are NOT ok. How are we going to stay with you during our apartment hunt if there are hairy spiders around??

Everyday should be Eat Like Ester day. In fact, when your brother becomes Emperor, he can make it a by-law in his kingdom.

ester said...

for me, every day is Eat Like Ester day!

the spiders are a new and somewhat unsettling development. we will get the problem straightened out before you arrive, or i myself will battle spiders on your behalf.

charrow said...

oh my favorite birfday girl!! I wish i could be there. Next year in New York (like next year in Jerusalem only less zionist and more newyorkist)

shira said...

well, it's still your birthday in SOME time zones...happy birthday! for your birthday, you should get some kind of mr. ben robot that can kill spiders while he is out.

Andrew Ironwood said...

Happy Belated Smurfday!...