ross is totally awesome, and not just because he writes about my "proclivities toward hedonism." he is referring to last year when all of my actions did not quite fall within some people's definition of honorable. i had been straight-edge throughout high skool; the last thing i wanted was to come to college and have a repeat of the frustration and disappointment that characterized my life there. i mean, going to a small jewish skool for thirteen years had its perks (my wonderful wonderful circle of friends; our senior year 4-month jaunt to israel; the fact that tonite at services becca voiced envy for my knowledge of hebrew). but it also had its weaknesses (a diversity of people rivaled only by certain amish communities; a guidance department run by doddering grandmothers in business suits; jewish mothers as teachers; NO PLAY and no potential for it).

i mean, sheesh, wouldn't you succumb to the attentions of, at various points, an attractive, determined lesbian, a drunk harvard boy, skirts over pants and queen mary? and, once you got to college, wouldn't you be swept off your feet by someone who swept you off your feet? or someone who sings Indigo Girls w/ you and compliments your voice? or someone who dances w/ you on a stage and says "swell"? or -- oh i have more to say, but becca is leaning demurely over my shoulder and indicating that she wants to go home. we rented movies and are going to be Good Jews by watching them; right, and fasting and praying and breast-beating and all the rest. that goes w/o saying. ('especially the breast-beating,' says becca, a glint in her eye.)

forgive me! o, what a year it's been.

-- okay, moments later, i'm back. on the cold walk to the barn, becca had an epiphany that i was a 14th century venetian courtesan in a past life. oop, my eye is twitching -- means i'm exhausted -- i'll make this quick.
becca's so cool. she has this 40s/50s glamour charm and a good heart for the sake of which we forgive her attractions to goyishe boys. we clean-slated earlier, took turns apologizing (me for snapping at her). she and joel and i went to services together; got there late; sat in the back row; and occasionally voided our prayers by whispering comments about those around us, like the tall athletic blond guy w/ the ski-jump nose (we contemplated pulling him aside and saying, 'all right, chip, the game is up. we're onto you ...) or making fun of reform congregations ('they're like, "praise jesus!",' said joel). but what's more jewish than that?
at one point, we three held hands. so adorable. we missed ross of course but there's actually a prayer you say for those who have forsaken their heritage during which we nodded soberly at each other.

film today was good; still, it felt like it went on forever. at least catharine gaffney sat next to me so i could a) talk to her and b) feel reassured that she is no longer excessively creeped out by me (yay!)
i am at peace. good yontif everyone, especially my jds friends if they're reading this.