this [link deleted] made me shudder. ben came up behind me a minute ago while i was reading thru posts at adequacy.org and i had misted over. i've gone back and forth all day. when i first saw the video footage, i nearly cried; at other points, i've made caustic comments or tried to be funny, as has justin. i listened to bush's uninspiring, uninspired preachiness. i listened to npr alternate b/w straightforward reports and sorta melodramatic somber string music. i discussed w/ my barnmates the future of america: will, as joel believes, george II's videogame inclinations get the better of the little of his good judgement there is and he starts bombing countries the way frustrated teenagers break windows? he thinks this is the beginning of the end of america's position of superiority in the world. rebecca concurs: the eu is getting stronger, america's been in decline (ross chimes in: asian economies are booming) -- we're going to swing our arms too wildly, desperate to strike an invisible/mutable foe, and we're going to lose our balance and fall. hard.
my barnies are pessimists. i have a good feeling about america, maybe just because i'm in it. maybe we won't be an isolated First in the world -- so what? it'll be good for us. i don't think we'll meet so drastic a fate. most of the people i've heard speak so far have been too rational. everyone is cautioning against immediately blaming the arabs; advising restraint; etc. so far we don't sound like a country that's going to get so wrapped up in our own objectless fury that we shoot ourselves off the map.

ross drew pink "tears" down my cheek that won't scrub off. they've faded some but people keep asking me what they are. ben just hugged me again and told me to do something else. i have plenty of history reading; it's just hard to concentrate. a guy is circling asking for a spare copy of moby dick. only at swat.
life continues tomorrow. slowly and painfully for some, less so for others. yet to be determined how for me, but rest assured, you will be kept informed.