oh so much. i'm back at the barn, deposited here by parents who took a cursory look around my apartment and sped off home. we drove all day, making it from my grandparents' house in manchester back here in about 6 hrs, with stops; they still have another couple hours to go. considering the state we were in when we left i was scared we wouldn't make it to new york. (my brother lost one of his case logics in packing -- he thinks he placed it momentarily atop the car and then forgot about it. he and then the rest of us beachcombed the stretch of street b/w the motel, where he was packing, and my grandparents' house, for it, to no avail. all his dvds and a number of cds it would give you a heart-attack to mention! i'd cry.)

eventually he went, taking my oldest cousin w/ him. they go to skool w/in an hour of each other so they always carpool to thanksgivings. my cousin is a film major; so it's funny to go to family events b/c all questions about the subject and such are posed to him. he was surprised to hear that i was planning to minor in it. i'm the only girl cousin out of six. the boys range from standing six-inches-taller than i to a foot or so taller and have changed little otherwise since i've known them. they're very polite to me, occasionally stooping to joke about my "veganism," leftism/pacifism, or feminism. it's pointless to correct them -- i'm accused of not having a sense of humor about myself.
friday i went shopping w/ my mother, my aunt marge (the mother of my cousins who shares a name w/ my mother) and my aunt jane (her lovely never-married manhattanite sister). it was nice to get a break from the cloistered family feeling. everyone from my grandparents down to my little brother is a supervisor: we're constantly looking over each others' shoulders, asking what's up and suggesting better ways to do things. when we're not micromanaging each other's affairs, we're arguing politics/listening to my father lecture; reading new yorkers, newsweeks and sections of the new york times (or books,) sleeping, playing scrabble, watching cnn, or, in the case of the boys, playing video games downstairs. everyone otherwise in sight of everyone else. i read most of truman capote's in cold blood and started interpreter of maladies, which nearly made me cry. i answered "why copenhagen?" about 25 times, and "how's ben?" another 20. i tried not to miss the internet or snap at family members. for the most part i was successful.

i had weird-ass dreams tho. the first was that it turned out i was ten years older than i'd realized. amnesia had wiped my memory of giving birth to dan blim (he's a senior here). in some hazy way, matt rubin was involved and i had definite negative feelings about the whole thing. in the dream i thought, "oh, so that explains it." in the second dream, my bedroom was converted into an unused room in the top corner of a skool building. quite depressing.
on the more positive sleep front, i bought wonderfully comfortably warm bright red fleece pajamas. my cousin jeff upon seeing me model them called me mrs. claus. my dad compared it to a shador -- all i needed was a veil. i think the outfit resembles a sari; clearly it's up for interpretation. anyway i slept in them the last nite and had no bad dreams.
now i'm back at the barn, alone again, tho i talked to lana for over an hour and then briefly liz. maybe i'll slip into my pajamas. maybe no harm can come to me in them.