i am, according to my first observer in two months, changed. whether i've merely adapted to circumstance and environment or earnestly, deep-down changed, i won't know til i get home. less childish, more self-sufficient. you wouldn't think those are bad things, but his tone and my reaction implied they were. i like being childish, at least sometimes. it's easy as i'm often surrounded by people who like taking the lead, being capable, patronizing me a little maybe but that's okay; after all, i let them. not here. the other day heather said i was smart. no one would say that at home (well, home = swat.) to be smart at swat you have to be brilliant, you can't just be passable. you forget that the rest of world might have a different standard. or at least last semester, losing perspective sleep and sanity over evil bruce as well as, to some extent, barnies, i did.

eye-opening, thought-provoking. feeling that i'm unhappy, he suggests hanging out with fewer americans. immediately i feel worse, my weaknesses in this place highlighted, what i've failed to do, i.e.: learn the language and meet boatloads of cool danes. it's not as easy as it sounds <-- an excuse. mm, i have to get off this train of thought because it's taking me to an unfriendly mental place. i'm trying to be a good worldtraveler. i guess to really succeed i would need to be less childish and more self-sufficient still.