after a day filled with demanding liquids (diet coke, a hot chocolate that was very thick milk accompanied by a kebobed triangle of chocolate, a skimlatte with caramel, and an aquarius in an effort to appease and honor the gods of february) i'm trying to redeem myself with water and tea. in result i feel a little more wholesome, but draggy and tired. a long discussion with eric about globization, pulp fiction, and speed nearly put me to sleep.

this came on the heels of more walking. first i set out this earlyafternoon in search of a quiet place to sit and read criminal justice; i ended up in a park, although the wind didn't let me stay long. last nite i met heather at 7-11 at 10 and we looked for jazz. live music is supposed to be ubiquitous here yet we came up empty-handed, having confronted three separate private parties and an old white guy playing a guitar. we settled for barhopping and talk. (an aquarius, by the way, is a very pretty blue and tastes a lot like sprite. sipping, i thought of my friends who have birthdays this month where the calendar is a minefield)
things have a tendency to happen to me twice. the v-day anxiety is my own fault: i incurred bad karma when i broke up with avi in a letter to arrive then and ended with the words, 'happy valentines day.' when i wrote it i think i meant it sincerely. it didn't strike me how callous that was.
the anniversary anxiety stems from farther back, from sixth grade, when the other ben informed me sixdaysshortofayear that he liked rotem. i cried a little, realized the simpsons were on, watched laughed and forgot. i doubt somehow that i'd rebound so quickly now.
oh, for march 1. to know how it all ends and not have to be bothered by the living through it.