Friday, March 04, 2005

like FIFTY femme points!

it's been a while since i accumulated femme points. moving to a new city, adjusting to a new job, cooking in bulk, taking long walks ... none of these activities lend themselves well to the enterprise. well, except the rare occasion when my boss asks me to fetch him coffee. even that is only a palty two or three femme points. more when the coffee includes cream, or a preassembled bagel with cream cheese.

but today! today i went to the dirty-place doctor. not femme-y in and of itself, although they did dress me up in a peppermint pink gown and keep me waiting for a while. i giggled to myself, feeling femmer than i had in a while, tossing my hair for effect and thinking about boys and shoes.

then a nurse came in and pointed to the scale.

my blood pressure skyrocketed (+3 femme points, right away). that's been my response to scales ever since i moved out of my weight-obsessed high skool phase and stopped weighing myself first thing each morning. i never developed a mature relationship with scales: i went from kowtowing and living in fear of their power to pretending i was past it and living in repressed fear of their power.
do i really have to? i asked the nurse, trying to sound cool, joking, unflustered and succeeding in sounding exactly like a panicked fifteen year old. +7 femme points. yes, said the nurse, unswayed.

i walked onto the scale like it was the plank and i was about to be forced into the water without even captain jack sparrow for company. before i could drown in my own anxiety, however, the nurse muttered the numbers to herself and i returned to reality with a start. i double-checked for myself and indeed it was true: somehow, without trying, i was back to my high skool weight. my peak-of-weight-obsession high skool weight! without a single angsty poem, draconian dietary restriction, or transition to all black clothing! i was so stunned i barely felt the dirty place exam.

this is our last weekend in this apartment. next week we move, mr. ben and i. i will miss the village but i will love my new peace of mind more.