Monday, March 06, 2006

and the walls came tumbling down

Most people have a large capacity for disappointment in the things they love. I think my capacity to be disappointed by Hollywood is larger than most. It's larger than life. I look at myself sometimes -- like when it's 3 am I'm still groaning on the bathroom floor because my body is furiously rejecting either the citrusy cocktails from the oscar party or the citrus-on-a-wound betrayal of the best picture results -- and I ask myself, What are you THINKING? Was last year any different? Will next year be?

For what it's worth, the Carpetbagger got it right on the nose. However, he was as blindsided by being right as I was by being wrong, and speaks for both of us when he says, "How could so many people be so wrong?" Technically he was referring to the people who claimed victory for Brokeback, but it works just as well referring to all those idiot Academy voters.

When I get nauseous, I get nauseous like you've never seen. I don't just vomit, I suffer, usually for hours. It's a bit like being horridly seasick only THERE'S NOWHERE TO DISEMBARK. There's this liquid green medicine (not nyquil) that I take for it & sometimes, when I'm feeling truly pathetic and I don't have the stregth to get a real glass of water, I'll fill the medicine cup from the bathroom faucet and sip from that.

I mention this because the last event that reduced me to such a state of Bombay-level big-eyed whimpering misery was watching Revenge of the Sith. (Granted, I had a kidney infection at the time that might have exacerbated matters.)

Also, by the way, guys, in case you hadn't heard, it's hard out there for a pimp. Thank God for Jon Stewart. His bemused, cheerfully sarcastic reaction to the performance of that song made my night. As well as everything else he said. He is a god among men, although yes, I am also partial to Terrence Howard (who will be holding in statue of his own in the next 5 years) and George Clooney (tea set material!)

Next year, please, someone tell to sleep through the damn thing. Unless Jon's hosting again. Anyone want odds on that happening?


Nate said...

After the montage of socially relevant films:

"And none of those things was ever a problem again."

You're right though. It sucked.

Nate said...


You know, maybe you don’t know this, maybe you have been sheltered from the realities of this world, but let me disillusion you: It can be hard out here. For someone like me, I mean. A purveyor of the ladies, I mean.

First, there’s rent. It ain’t cheap, that’s for shiz. So I gotta get my money for the rent, if you know what I mean.

Then, there’s the car payment on my Cadillac. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Cadillac? Surely I can cut back, maybe drive a Ford Escort hatchback or something. But this Cadillac is not some spring chicken. It’s over 15 years old, and let me tell you, the gas mileage on it is terrible. Which brings me to that other large expense: GAS MONEY.
Man, when you are cruising up and down the strip with three ho’s in the back looking for some johns in a 15 year old Cadillac, you burn through some unleaded right quick.

So, to sum up: Rent. Cadillac. Gas Money.

It’s hard out here…
For, you know, a pimp and all.

Kate said...

Jon Stewart after the weird Crash song: "My advice if you're stuck in a burning car? Don't move in slow motion." I'm impressed he found such an appropriate response.

And it totally did suck.

shira said...

i am so sorry that your physical reaction was as violent as both of our emotional reactions (apparently) were.

Adam said...

I feel you on the nausea thing - obviously, our weak constitutions mean that we should be living at a time when bathtub gin and speakeasy whisky could be blamed.