i wrote a whole thing before that blogger erased when it crashed. ah well. it was basically a paean to bjork, whose new album is coming out tuesday (right, ross?) i quoted "pluto":

excuse me

but i just have to
explode

explode this body
off me

wake-up tomorrow
brand new

a little tired

but brand new

i made some mention of my general uneasiness. tuesday is only days away. that's unsettling. lana's already at skool. so's becca. annie goes tomorrow. tamar and i go thereafter. liz and i spent the nite at donny's -- we hadn't seen her all summer. college has made her a little tougher, it seemed. more sarcastic? she's still a great person, someone i wish i saw more often. luckily ours is a friendship not contingent on contact.

my mom and i were reading personals ads this morning. it's frightening how depressing those are. one man's in the bottom corner of the magazine in red declared himself authoritative and wanted a petite, pretty, feminine woman. seriously. another was from a "mr. mom" w/ a kid looking for "a wife". the ad described him and the child, and for the goals of the relationship, he had "pregnancy" listed first. his kid needed a sibling. so why wasn't his kid placing an ad? or why doesn't he just adopt and get a maid?
another in the top left corner, boxed off so it looked important, was a divorced man, 56, looking for a woman between 37 and 44, white, rich, attractive, petite, feminine. fool: all the white rich attractive petite feminine women are married by 37. hell, they're married by 22.
all of them said attractive; most said finanically secure; all of them said white. one said "intelligent" but he was talking about himself. nearly all were divorced. i couldn't help but wonder where their wives were now. sipping daquiris in fiji, rolling their eyes under their gucci sunglasses at these pushy, shallow personals ads? hocking the china? or pawing thru a pocketbook on the aisle at safeway, and realizing there isn't enuf change?
sad.
my mother asked me how i'd describe myself in a personals ad. i laughed off the question. "dorothy parker seeks robert benchley," i said. "anyone who gets the reference would be all right w/ me."

saw six feet under last nite. amazing how real the actors look. writing cinematography &c. all quality. everything is two degrees from death in that show. everyone's job, everyone's significant other and preoccupation. they talk to ghosts. it's transfixing stuff. too bad the barn does not come equipped w/ hbo.
oh, and i redid the first of my poetry pages. if i get positive feedback on the design, i'll proceed w/ the others. check it out and let me know, would you?