i sometimes wish blogger had titles for entries so that i could write fun things like "misery and apoplexy" or "frazzlement." frazzlement's a damn fine word and it's a particularly apt way to describe what i'm feeling. everything's been so up and down recently -- i get acclimated into one mindset and then another mindset plows into me going 130 mph from the opposite direction and takes me for a ride. then just as mysteriously i'm dropped off and back on the first again. i'll be surprised if i get done w/ this semester and my hair hasn't turned newspaper- gray.

where's my stability, my reserves of calm logic to fall back on? like life keeps prodding me forward into obstacle courses w/o giving me twenty seconds first to tie my shoes. oy, mixed metaphors: see what condition i'm in? meanwhile either i'm imagining it or a lot of people really dislike me, more than used to -- but what did i do? -- and even a lot of the ones that supposedly like me think i'm stupid. i don't know. maybe stressful situations just bring out the oversensitive, cagey, extravagantly-saracastic-on-the-surface and wildly-depressed-right-below part of me. (all my friends from home are reading this and snorting, 'Maybe?')

phillyben came over to videotape me reading poetry for a multimedia art project he's working on. over lunch, we had a stat study session involving 2 members of co|motion. both, being w/ PB and being w/ the do-gooders, cheer me up. then once again i'm crushed by how damn inferior i feel to this skool and the people in it. copenhagen shouldn't seem like a glorious escape -- i don't want to feel like i want to escape -- yet, how should i put this? ... i do.