i'm exhausted. to all of you who are confused by this "now you see it, now you don't" blogging, i apologize. i'm just trying to remedy as much as the damage as i can and placate those i've hurt. god, this is ridiculous. i guess i should be moving on but mind is stuck on the subject. not that i can discuss it here. a part of me very much wants to, at least the abstract issues. we had a whole conversation in high skool about whether teachers could be friends w/ students. in college it's automatically different b/c both are adults, or technically anyway. i'm definitely a fan of the idea: i've always liked talking to older folks and profs are more than usually knowledgable. but there are a thousand sticky little complications. at the beginning of this year, i read blue angel, which my friend donny leant me. she said i would like it; i didn't; that's not the point, tho. the story was about the little miscommunications and misunderstandings that can occur in such relationships and the disasterous effects thereof. the book was totally overdramatized, like oleanna, which i also read this summer and wasn't a fan of.

i don't want to inhabit a world fenced in by the severe limitations each of those works implies. one in which you'd have no freedom, where you could never trust that the person you're talking to won't use words out of context and ruin your career. that's awful. but i guess the flip side of the coin is you can't trust everyone either.
i don't know. i need to think about all this more (don't really have a choice: can't think abont anything else.)

more grant writing this afternoon w/ sorelle. i met one of the sarahs and her yesterday and we worked on it. again it was one of the highlights on my day. hung out w/ bunny later, who swung from being lethargic to dancing energetically on his bed while i looked around to make sure all the blinds were shut. later still, reunited w/ jolly and mo at paces (the three of us lived in a cluster on the same hall last year) joined by a nicely toasted rob. it was a nice day except for the mess at the end. even that will pass, tho. i guess.