okay, more of my brother, because you know you're dying to hear and it's too funny not to share. he claims he's nervous about me copying his emails online but that's such a front. see, i published this story about us in amsterdam in swat's humor mag. everything would have been great except our parents found it. luckily the shrink they called in assured the family that such adolescent rebellions are relatively normal. the best thing to do, after some shock therapy, would be to send the offender someplace safe and warm where he can be out of trouble. hence: australia. being the girl and the younger one, naturally i got off lite: a lot of guilt trips and an arranged marriage. not too bad.

i'm too nervous for the lottery tonite to write anything substantial (or true). so! more news from my brother in warmer climes. what he calls "adventures in heterosexuality":
last wednesday nite i met this girl named bethan (beth-anne) at a bar. real cute australian girl, freshman, and, as my roommate eric says, way too hot to be giving me her number. yet, somehow, i get it anyway. fake, right? no -- better. i called it the other nite and a guy answered. so i'm thinking "hmmmm, brother or boyfriend? well, don't die wondering" . . . and now, the transcript:

adam: hi, is bethan there?
dolt: who is this?
adam: this is adam
[pause]
shcmuck: no . . . she's not
adam: well, do you know when she'll be back?
yutz: why do you wanna know, mate?
adam: [with a touch of 'you dumbass' in his voice] because i wanna talk to her
dumbass: [starting to figure it out] why do you wanna talk to my girfriend, mate?!
adam: [trying not very hard to supress laugh] sorry, man, she didn't say she had a boyfriend.
prick: yeah, well how bout you never ring this number again!
adam: alright, sorry mussilini, take it easy
fakir: yeah
adam: ok, well you have a GREAT nite! [realizes line has already gone dead]

i hope i didn't get that girl pommeled like tina turner. eric (psych major) doesn't think so; his theory is that when bethan sees her boyfriend is wigging out and me being fonzerific it will show her that i'm the dominant male who she should be with. frankly, at a school with 20k girls, i'm not sure i care that much. but, i am gonna call her boyfriend with a new fake name every nite.
the choices for tonite's name is down to two finalists: roger and alouicious. roger like clinton and rabbit -- i like that. on the other hand, no one is actually name alouicious, which makes that one so vexing.
i'll let you know how it goes.

i told him roger. but hell, alouicious works too.